soft_shelled | Ryslig Inbox

[The whole situation was, something, and part of Donnie is glad for slime brain making it harder to remember certain parts of what they just did. Also the fact that Ray is a naphil is a bit unnerving, but he's trying to not focus on that as he stays by her bedside.

So when Ray opens her eyes and asks him to distract her, he just tries to think of something he can talk about that isn't what they just did.]

Oh, uhm... Well, I can tell you about my progress on Leo's new arm? It's kind of been stalled because of, slime. But I have blueprints and ideas I just need the materials.

[Her eyes have already started to drift shut again when he grabs her attention -- fiercely, as her interest in this is on par with her determination to see her project through. On instinct, Rachel tries to sit up so she can better lean in, but a wave of pain and a swirling rush inside her skull forces her to remain on her side.]

A-ahh... [Ow, ow...] Y-yes, I wish to hear of it. What can I do to help?

[Ah, even her moving slightly gets him to react, a hand coming out to rest on her shoulder to keep her from sitting up but a bit too late because she's stopping herself anyway, but he keeps his hand there because well... It's reassuring to him to touch her and know that she's okay, or as okay as one can be all things considered.]

Oh um, not much? [He means on the help front.] I was thinking of maybe using some coins to get materials, if looking through the junkyard and trash gets me nothing... Or asking Elias if I can take apart one of the robots in the Arcade, but that is like. End of the line no other options, option.

[There's a pang of a different sort of pain that makes her frown through her haze. She should be helping! There's a drive to prove that she can, thankfully tempered by the morphine enough that all she can really get done is weakly flap the wings on the side she isn't laying on. Mildly frustrated with how ineffective that ends up being, she narrows her eyes and pouts over at him. Struck by the impulse, Rachel reaches to poke a long nail into his slime. Ha. Take that.

Wait. He was saying something important, right.]

Ohh. [She has to have the realization of what she wanted to say twice, but then she's wiggling her finger as if to demand his attention, an annoying little itch.] I have a robot I desire to give you. It is not ideal...however, I believe in your...capabilities.

[That is a finger in his goo, it kind of tickles actually. So he smiles a little at her even though she was frowning and pouting, he has to stop himself from saying she looks cute like that this is not the time for such things after all!

As to her mentioning of a robot, he perks up a little.]

It's better than nothing, and thank you. [He's moving his hand from her shoulder now to cup her face very briefly.] It's nice having someone believe in me like that.

[She makes a noise between a mumble and a hum as her eyes close, and she wishes she could purr. Or he could purr. Anyone purring right now would be good. Still, the hand on her cheek isn't bad either, and the tiny wing where an ear should be stretches outwards before tucking back in as if to settle in for bed. Even drugged, though, she can't quite sleep. Useful ability later, but for now it's a bit taxing on her mind.]

Of course... Your actions are frequently more reliable than your words. I have seen examples of your work.

[He can't hide the slight offense that crosses his features at her saying his words aren't reliable, he likes to think he's pretty damned reliable word-wise!]

I try. [He doesn't feel like this is the time or place to make a fuss about being reliable though.]

You should rest, though, as much as you can what with being a naphil.

[Agree to disagree! Because Ray has disagreed for a while, and when the brain gone nephilim, she's less inclined to stew over that fact until she finds the right time.

Her sigh is almost impatient, rolling off those thoughts and the reminder of Foodio's early failures. Stupid robot.]

I cannot. It is why I desire to be distracted. If I could rest, I would not have asked you to remain.

[Because god forbid someone that cares about her stay at her side just because. There's the briefest pause before she continues with an admission.]

I...would not deserve such a thing.

[Hey he's not leaving, he just means she shouldn't be stressing herself out over things! And is conveying that badly, as usual.]

I know, and I'm not leaving. [He's still got his hand on her cheek and doesn't plan on moving it unless she gives some sign of not liking it. But her saying she doesn't deserve such a thing makes him frown.]

Of course you deserve it, why wouldn't you?

[Being assured that he's staying does a lot to relieve whatever tension has built back up. She turns her head a little like she might lean into his hand if she weren't laid out, exhaling out a sigh that's equal parts content and melancholy. It takes her a while to start back up again, and when she continues her words drag.]

I am a poor companion. I have done nothing to earn... Do not know why they decide I...am more than who I am.

[She might have started to talk to herself instead of trying to explain, oops.]

[Even if she's talking to herself, he's going to listen. And hey he'll even explain his own reasons for why he treats her the way he does, even if she's not asking for him to do so.]

Because people see what you are and what you can be. You're a good person, Ray, that's why... Even if you've done bad things, or had bad things done to you, doesn't mean you're not allowed to have good things too, you know?

[Ah, he stops because he feels like he's just kind of rambling, as he strokes a finger across her cheek now and smiles slightly.]

I mean, I think you're pretty great.

[She likes the attention, but his words only get a half-lidded blank look from her. Maybe she's just not understanding him? Or...?]

Donatello... [Rachel wants to sit up so she can address him properly, but she starts by shifting to lie on her back and grimacing. The pain part doesn't bother her so much, but it makes her a lot more nauseated. Wings are getting squished, too... What was she saying?] Is it unacceptable to like me if I am not a good person? Can I not be just "Rachel Gardner" in your eyes? I want...you to see me... I want to see you.

[When she moves to her back he withdraws his hand, letting it settle on the bed next to her, as he listens to what she has to say.

And well, it takes him a long moment, thanks slime brain, for him to figure out what to even say to that. Is he really not seeing her? He... Doesn't get what she means by that at all and he can't fully blame his not understanding on slime brain either.]

No, it's not unacceptable to like you if you're not a good person, but I believe you are one so does that matter? And... You are you to me, you can't be anyone else?

[He's confused by her words, and as much as he doesn't want it to? It's coming through in his voice as he speaks.]

[One of them a slime and one of them drugged up post-surgery. Obviously the time to have this conversation. ...Thought to be fair, when would Ray have finally addressed it? After it had more time to simmer as a problem? Unhealthy.]

It matters. It matters because I have accepted myself, and to not acknowledge my nature... Is it really me you like, then? Or your idea of me? Ev'ryone...desires a version of me I cannot be. Even doing all they can to please me.

[She tries to push herself up again now that he's no longer got his hand on her and she's anticipating the sick feeling. Wing...push? Wings don't really work that way.]

Umm... [Rachel hasn't let her words hesitate like that since changing. Truly, morphine is. Doing work. If only she weren't so determined to pontificate as a naphil.] I am not delicate. Nor am I looking for a god. Leonardo said -- I have the energy of a picture of a...of a knife on one of your phones with th'screens. Someth'n to that effect.

Edited 2023-07-07 04:43 (UTC)

A knife emoji.

[Why does he address that first instead of the actual... Serious subject? It says a lot, he doesn't want to have a serious talk not while they're both in a state where it might not be remembered. But here they are.]

I don't think you're delicate, considering when we first met in person you put your fingers into my back? I don't think a delicate person would have done something like that. And... I know you're dangerous, you've shown me that. [If he had legs this would be where he would look at his, formerly, injured leg.]

I like the you I've met here, that's the only version of you I really know... I know about your past, a little, but also like. [He pauses, thinking of what to say here and trying to stay focused. Don't get distracted.] If we let the past control who we are then I should be someone with a lot more problems than I have, and I feel like your past shouldn't do that to you either?

... [A beat.]
That makes no sense, sorry.

[Right, emojis. Those were the real emojis, and her idea of emojis had been false. Her thoughts are not fully connecting to her memories, and it's a coin toss whether she'll remember...remembering this.]

I stuck my fingers in your back? [That's weird. She's weird.] Ah... Yes, because you were growing wings. You were upset about it.

[At first, anyway.

She watches him hazily, trying to decide how much she believes his words. He's definitely not so stupid that he'd doubt how dangerous she was, it's true. But then why did it feel like she was being put on a pedestal?

(No one has ever doted on her without an ulterior motive, at least not to her memory. Anyone that tries to treat her so kindly gets associated with the others by default.)

After a moment, she lifts her hand, leaving her more unsteady, and caresses his face.]

You have many problems.

[Sorry, babe.]

Edited 2023-07-07 05:30 (UTC)

Y-yeah at first...

[The the subject of fingers in his back. Just not going to say that he is pretty sure that is what made him start to have the feels towards her, that would be weird.

Instead he closes his eyes when she touches his face, but that doesn't last too long at what she says last. He just gets an insulted look on his face.]

I do not! I mean, compared to some people around here my problems are nothing.

[And unlike Leo, Donnie hasn't really come to accept that some of them are actually problems.]

[Her head tips quizzically, though that makes her curl in on herself a little from another wave of nausea. "At first"...? It tugs at a memory. Something she was supposed to talk to him about...]

I am not comparing you to others.

[She wants to see him, remember? And there are problems! She doesn't see how this could possibly be offensive, not when she so casually admits to her own issues. Rachel decides to push through despite her body trying to reason with her, so she sits up all the way, swinging her legs over the side of her bed and hugging her side with a grimace.]

Why are you upset with me?

[Honestly the fact she doesn't pursue it means he won't bring it up again himself.

And when she starts to sit up he reacts, reaching out to her to either help her stay upright, or try to get her to lay back down. Especially at her grimacing, he's distracted by that more than her asking about him being upset.]

I'm not upset with you. Just. My problems aren't really something to worry about.

[He gets... Defensive of how he was raised, even if he knows that Splinter wasn't the greatest and left him and his brothers to raise themselves after a certain age, he still doesn't see how bad that really was.]

You seem upset with me.

[Things you definitely want to insist on when trying to maintain good communication and not upset the other person. Yep. With him helping to stabilize her, the naphil moves her hands to rest over Donnie's, wanting to hold him close without losing the full sight of him she has. Once her hands are on his, she otherwise becomes easy to move and can be laid down without much of a fuss, should he want.]

I wish to worry about them. About you... I wish to be a better companion for you, because it is mmmy hope that -- I will be one for some time. Do you believe I will not stay, if you admit any flaws? That is... I've...I've shown you my ugliness. You still desire to be with me.

[Be it his upbringing, his forgetfulness as a slime, the fact that she felt comfortable asking him to do surgery on her when that is a wild thing to request...the way he fights with his brother. The failures he feels he's caused. She wants him to know that they can matter without changing things between them.]

I'm not... I was upset by what you said, but not because of you.

[Like this she's so much... Bigger than him, he's lost some height as a slime even when he manages to hold a form, so when her hands rest over his? He feels so small and it makes him feel a little uncomfortable, not that he'll voice that. Now is not the time for such things.

As to the rest of what Ray has to say, he goes silent, as if considering how to respond to her and just...]

You shouldn't be sitting up like this.

[Not talk about it at all. It's not a subject he wishes to dwell on, as he is going to try to get her to lay down now without hurting her in the process.]

[She's feeling too bleary to realize the full force of her disappointment, so when he makes his suggestion and starts easing her back down, there's little more than a sigh she's quick to cut off with a sharp inhale.]

It is not comfy...

[Her pout has more to do with having said "comfy" than actually going back to lying down. She's a little too tall for her bed now, though, and needs to bend at the knees in order to fit. She seems to think that's important, as is the idea that she holds one of his arms in hers in a lazy grasp. Being back on her side helps, though. It only makes her wonder about the space her rib had occupied before a little bit -- and luckily for Donnie, very little else.]

I know, but sitting up might cause the stitches to burst and we don't want that.

[To call what they had done harrowing would be an understatement in Donnie's mind, as the removal of a rib was... Not something he ever thought he'd be involved in. Which makes him come up with what he says next, a neat little factoid that he thinks Ray will enjoy?

Who knows.]

You know that it's a myth that women have one more rib than men? They actually have the same amount of ribs.

[Random weird ass facts he knows, also leaving out the bible stuff because to him that's not important at all.]

[This is where she might normally make a soft noise of agreement, but as she is, she's too reluctant to budge on her position. The best she can allow is to just...not argue. Keep her grumbly thoughts to herself.

The switch in topic draws her attention, though there's a storm in her head as several things to say are fighting to make it out first. What will win -- ?]

I am aware of anatomy.

[To her, the concise comment is just -- concise. It doesn't occur to her that coupled with her flat tone, it would be easy to misinterpret as tired snapping. She's just had to be sparing in her words, since here she goes, continuing...]

I suppose it came about because there was a story where woman was born from man's rib? It is...absurd what people will believe...though I suppose that, as someone who has suffered delirium and delusions, I am less qualified to say so. [And -- ] Not all ribs are real. They are real, but...um...

[Rachel trails off, slowly blinking.]

I know... I mean, I assumed you'd know because the whole. Morgue thing?

[He does not take it as being snappish at all! Although he does feel a little silly about the whole thing now, as he lets her talk before she trails off and he just chuckles a little.]

I don't know, I'd think that might make you more qualified? But what do I know, I've never experienced such things before.

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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, DONATELLO. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 016.04.154.55 * Bootyyyshaker9000 has joined 016.04.154.55 <Bootyyyshaker9000> God this tech is old. <Bootyyyshaker9000>** ANYWAY, you're conversing with Donatello. Leave a message.