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[soft_shelled]

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, DONATELLO. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 016.04.154.55 *** Bootyyyshaker9000 has joined 016.04.154.55 <Bootyyyshaker9000> God this tech is old. <Bootyyyshaker9000> ANYWAY, you're conversing with Donatello. Leave a message.

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cw murder, trauma discussion

[detectivision]

You are horrible at it. Which is how I can tell you're lying.

It's all right. Dying is a frightening thing. There are monsters whose company I studiously avoid, because they killed me and did nothing to restore my confidence in them. Even when both parties make an attempt to heal in good faith, the effects can -- linger.

For longer than you'd like then to.

[soft_shelled]

Except I'm not lying nor am I traumatized.

[Good old Donnie denial, as he's resumed his death grip on the counter.]

And she didn't kill me, I let it happen.

cw some victim blame-y language

[detectivision]

Mm. [He shakes his head.] Your fur, the movement of your ears, even the dilation of your pupils says different. Did you know they expand when one is anxious? It is a nearly impossible reflex to control, harder even than the heartbeat.

Please dispense with the transparent denial. It will get us nowhere.

Now, [he goes on, intending to continue as though Donatello had outright admitted his fear.] Why did you allow her to kill you, despite the fear you were experiencing at the time?

[soft_shelled]

[Oh there is a multitude of ways Donnie could respond to that, and sadly his instinctual one won't work because he doesn't know Sherlock well enough to make the proper emotional jabs, as his ears flatten against his head and he lets go of the counter and...

Picks up his drink and moves to leave the kitchen.]

We're done. Like I said earlier Bucky's probably in his room, you should go see him.

[detectivision]

[Mm. Too far, he sees: it's both true and it makes the conversation end. Good to keep in mind for the future.

As Donatello passes him:]

Is it because you don't know, or because you don't want to admit it to me?

[A beat, as he picks his words, since they'll probably be the last ones he gets in.]

You cannot continue to protect your loved ones if you, too, are dead.

1/2

[soft_shelled]

[... Sherlock will totally hear the sound of claws on glass, as Donnie death grips his glass. It's a miracle it doesn't shatter, really.]

[soft_shelled]

[Sharply exhales before he answers Sherlock at all, avoiding the question and only addressing the last thing.]

Maybe they're better off without me anyway.

[detectivision]

[...ah.

The wall Donatello threw up gives, unexpectedly. Just an inch, but sometimes an inch is all you need.

With curiosity, rather than hostility:]

What is it, that makes you wonder about that?

[soft_shelled]

Because I'm well aware of where I stand, skill wise, with everyone.

[He's useless without his tech, and more so here even with the advantages he has with being a monster.]

[detectivision]

....do you consider yourself less skilled than the monsters around you?

[This comes as a surprise to Sherlock, but there's no disbelief in his voice. Go on. Tell him about it.]

[soft_shelled]

Without my tech?

[Because Sherlock has no idea what Donnie can do with his tech, if he had access to it he would own this damned place.

At least he thinks he would.]

I'm the least skilled out of my brothers, so what I could do back home doesn't exactly carry over here, so yes. Yes I do consider that.

[detectivision]

[He has no idea Donnie is planning world domination.]

....it is hard, to feel like one has fallen behind one's peers. To have your usual advantage taken away, and to know that others around you are outpacing you.

My brother had a greater faculty for deduction and inference than I did. He always has. He simply did not choose to use it in the same way I did. If he had, I'd be no match for him. He'd be the greatest detective the world has ever known, and I'd just be his...not-as-good brother.

But does that mean I should quit my work? Or, worse, that I shouldn't exist at all?

[soft_shelled]

[Well, the whole overthrow a god and become one in their place is basically world domination?

He has a sip of his water as Sherlock talks.]

Except that's you and your brother being skilled at the same thing, and it's something that you can still do here. While my skills are useless here and I'm not as good at the... Ninja thing as Leo is.

[Or at people, or a lot of things. Leo is just better at it then Donnie is.]

[detectivision]

[His head tilts, listening.]

Is it only Leo you're comparing yourself to? Or are you measuring yourself against everyone else, as well?

I would bet you're better at the "ninja thing" than most.

[soft_shelled]

Leo, Raph, Mikey... You know, the ones that matter.

[And maybe also Bucky, he knows Bucky can better protect his brother than him.]

But I'm not better at the whole... Monster thing. [He gives in to his hunting instinct way too much, after all.]

[detectivision]

[Well, there is that. But no one's self control is at its best at that age.]

Yet surely you are not the worst. I've yet to see you stumble, in ways I have witnessed often in others.

What is it about being a monster that you'd like to get better at?

[soft_shelled]

[Some more sipping of his drink now, as he considers how to answer that.]

I give into instinct way too much.

[detectivision]

[...there's two ways that could go.]

Murderous instinct, or...the chasing-stray-feathers sort?

[soft_shelled]

[Hmm... Donnie would be pressing his index fingers together if he wasn't holding a glass right now.]

Both? ... Both.

[detectivision]

Well -- they are not unrelated.

[Sherlock takes half a moment to retrace the conversation, to determine how they got here, and if this is still relevant to the goal he wants to achieve.

Make Donnie feel like his wellbeing is worth fighting for. He's insecure about his skill set. Okay, yes, they can continue forward.]

Do you hunt anything at all, besides the...instances in which you cannot help yourself?

[soft_shelled]

[And here Donnie was hoping they have left the original path of this conversation behind!]

Not really? I don't exactly have the time for such things.

[detectivision]

[He's just coming at the topic from a new angle, Donnie, like a cat trying to get at your cheeseburger by climbing the back of the sofa and sneaking up behind you when the direct approach failed.]

That might help with your self-control. Learning how it feels to chase something deliberately may help you resist the impulse when it comes on unexpectedly.

[soft_shelled]

But if I do that I'll never hear the end of it from Leo.

[His pride, Sherlock! His pride!]

THAT ICON LMAO

[detectivision]

[With a conspiratorial raise of an eyebrow:]

Leo doesn't have to know.

[He lifts a hand, gestures to the surprisingly nice weather outside.]

I am not usually one for it, myself. [Tragically, he's rather fond of animals.] But the weather is good for it. You can't hope to get better at anything without practice.

[soft_shelled]

He'll find out, somehow.

[Donnie doesn't trust that Leo won't find out. As to Sherlock's offer?

He shakes his head.]

I'm busy, got plans.

[To mope and cry.]