soft_shelled | Ryslig Inbox

[He was just trying to have fun, but this grates him in a way he can't articulate. The topic isn't even serious.

But... Neither Donnie or Bucky really care about getting a cat. They don't care about how fun it will be.

They're agreeing to just appease him.

'Sure, have a cat, and shut up'.]

Yeah. Sure.

I'll stop trying to convince you. Wouldn't want the cat to out do me.

[And Donnie over here unaware he hurt Leo's feelings.]

Considering I already said yes, you don't need to convince me anymore, Leo.

[Leo just settles on a private sulk, since clearly, Donnie doesn't even want to talk to him anymore. He just thinks everything Leo says is stupid anyway.]

yeah, yeah, fine.

[Okay the short replies from Leo kind clock him in that something is wrong so...]

Okay what did I do now?

[He would love, love, love to just disappear from the conversation to sulk in private and then bounce back. That's how it usually goes.

But he promised he'd do better, and he hates that so hard right now.]

I'd like it if you cared about something I was excited about, but it's fine. You don't. I can deal with that.

... Sorry I can't be excited about a cat? I mean, the fact you asked instead of just impulse getting a cat is a good thing, I am excited about you doing that at least? But also...

[Ugh how to word this and not have it come off badly?]

Cats are like, a responsibility. And I've seen how you are with that, Leo.

[There was no way Donnie would say that without it coming out bad.]

[If anything that last part seals the deal of Leo feeling hurt.]

Yeah.

Whatever. I'll just take my dumb irresponsible self somewhere else now.

Byeeeee

[And Leo's reaction just annoys Donnie.

Because he has seen that Leo can be responsible, just it takes something horrible to happen for him to buckle down. So can anyone blame Donnie for having some doubts?]

Fine, whatever.

Go sulk like a child, or whatever you're going to do. I'm not sorry for stating a fact, maybe if you didn't want people to treat you like you're dumb and irresponsible you could actually act like the smart responsible turtle I know you can be.

Even when I'm actually active and capable, you still act like I'm stupid. So I wonder why I even bother sometimes. I just can't win, so, whatever. I'll just be an irresponsible dum dum forever.

I just wanted you guys to be excited about something I'm excited about for once. Instead of it feeling like I'm dragging both of you into something you both hate.

Is that what you really want then? Because I can't change how I view you if you keep acting like that, that and I know you're not a dum dum. I've seen what you're capable of doing, you save the freaking world after all!

And you know if I hated it I would tell you that directly, Leo. You're not dragging me into anything, just... Ugh, I don't know how to say this okay? But I don't hate the idea, but I'm not going to get excited about something I never considered an option, okay?

[This conversation sucks, all he wanted was a cat, what the fuck is happening.]

Yeah, but I was apparently enough of a fuck up I caused the end of the world. So, real double-edged sword, Donnie. I guess I should just give up trying to be me at all and be a leader or whatever like pops wanted me to be. Would that be better for everyone in the long run?

I drag you and Bucky to parties and stuff, you both complain the entire time. So, maybe I just wanted to avoid that for once?

[Seriously, what is this indeed.]

It would not be better in the long run, and you know it. You can be you and actually be responsible for some things!

[And oof the party thing.]

I did not spend the whole time complaining, and oh so sorry I'm not Mister Social Butterfly like you. Sorry I have fun differently from you, maybe I should just stop being myself and act like you instead? Would that make you happy?

[Hurt feeling central is off and running. Leo is trying to mildly get things back under control.

It doesn't work since he's just emotionally all over the place.]

It's not like I'm constantly irresponsible, you know. I do stuff! I helped both of us rank up with Elias, I feed myself, I'm not stupid.

I just wanna have fun too. I just wanna feel normal sometimes. When are we ever going to be normal teenagers besides right now? If we somehow went home, we wouldn't have this.

[The fact he can't lie means the truth kind of just spills out of him against his will.] Fine, okay, you weren't complaining the entire time.

That isn't what I said and you know it, Donnie! I just... didn't want you to be alone. I thought you and Bucky would at least have some fun. If you guys made friends, I thought it'd help if I ever like disappeared or something.

Edited 2023-06-11 21:17 (UTC)

Yes, you did and I'm grateful for you doing that.

[Being normal, oof... Something even Donnie has kind of longed for and well. They have that here, yes but also...]

Except we're never going to be normal, Leo. Even here we're monsters, we're not normal, we're not human. We never have been, and well... If we went home we'd have to just accept it.

[But oh that last part, that hits a nerve. It hits on a fear Donnie has that he hasn't voiced much at all, and that's the fear of losing Leo again.]

No, we're... You're not going to disappear.

We're normal enough teens here, Donnie. Even with the monster stuff, we're more normal than we've ever been. I don't think either of us could handle being like actually fully human you know?

So many people disappear, Donnie... I worry about it sometimes. I don't want you guys to be lonely.

I could barely handle it for the first month here, so I know. I know.

... well, you're not allowed to disappear so why worry about it?

[Leo forces himself to take a brief break from the conversation. Assessing what he's feeling before he's back. He's definitely still a little hurt, but, he clearly kind of hurt Donnie too.

He takes a long drink of water before he looks back at the last few messages.]

Okay, look. I went to grab water, thought about this for a sec.

Sorry for getting all... upset, I guess? You not being interested kind of hurt my feelings. I know now you didn't mean to. [Normally, he'd phrase it a lot less... directly. Now it's all just kind of spilling out, and Leo is accepting of it to a point.]

I just want to make sure you and Bucky aren't alone if I'm not around. You both are pretty big home bodies and I try to do stuff to get you out at least a little. I probably should ask more before I do that stuff.

I'm not gonna disappear, but I'll always worry about it, Dee.

We both kinda cope in the same ways, you know? Having a plan helps make things less scary.

[And while Leo does his thing, Donnie has gone to just... Focus on some work of his own, taking the lack of a quick reply as Leo just deciding to drop the whole thing and ignore it which, well. Donnie would be fine with doing.

But then his laptop pings with the message from Leo and he reads it.

And reads it again.

And doesn't exactly know how to respond to it, at least not in a way with words. Or in a way with words that don't sound wrong and mean or stupid. So he's closing his laptop and going to find Leo.

Where ever he is in the apartment, be it the kitchen, the living room or his brother's room, he's finding Leo and just going to uncharacteristically hug his brother now. And he doesn't plan on letting go either.]

[Leo for his part had assumed the lack of response on Donnie's part was his brother just ending the conversation. The thought of that stings, but, Leo can deal with it. He said what he wanted to say.

Maybe they'll talk about it later.

He's spread out across his bed, surrounded by decorative paper. He's been working on an origami string of cranes for a good while. One hand makes it slow going. The creak of Donnie's footstep on the threshold is enough to make Leo look up. He offers his brother a tired kind of smile, sitting up properly to talk to him.

Then he's hugged.

Donnie initiating contact is always a surprise. Much less a hug this fierce. He returns it the best he can.]

I got you, Dee.

[Its an easy enough promise to make when you love someone.]

[Leo returning the hug is reassuring. As Donnie lets out a sigh of relief at the contact being returned.

He wants to say something, but he's not sure what to say. He already said that Leo isn't allowed to disappear, so saying that again seems pointless so instead...]

I know. I know.

[Leo half flops onto Donnie, just invading his space. There is no escape.]

Wanna help me fold cranes? I think if you fold a thousand of them, you get a wish. Maybe we can share a wish?

[He accepts his fate of having Leo flopped upon him.

Although he is a bit surprised at the offer to fold cranes.]

I'm probably not that good at it, but... sure?

Dee, my cranes started out looking funky, but got better. Then funky again when I lost a hand.

I think you're gonna be more than fine. [He gestures with his stub vaguely, more out of muscle memory of having a hand.]

Leo, unless it's like... Schematics, I can barely draw a straight line. Folding is probably the same thing.

[But hey, he will pick up a piece of paper and fiddle with it after letting go of Leo first of course.]

Its like following a schematic, Dee. Just gotta learn it. [Leo picks up his own piece of paper.]

Lemme walk you through it.

[He gives pretty clear instructions with his awkward one handed folds, walking Donnie through the process of making a crane.]

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, DONATELLO. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 016.04.154.55 * Bootyyyshaker9000 has joined 016.04.154.55 <Bootyyyshaker9000> God this tech is old. <Bootyyyshaker9000>** ANYWAY, you're conversing with Donatello. Leave a message.

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